 If your relationship has been struggling, it will take time and effort to create lasting change. Yet there are ways you can begin to improve your relationship right now. A great place to begin is to raise your awareness of the various thoughts and feelings that happen inside of you. It sounds simple but the ability to notice our inner experience empowers us to create better outer experiences. If you like the idea of starting the journey to improve your relationship, keep reading.
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By: Cristina Trette  One thing I know for certain about romantic relationships is that they ebb and flow. There will be good times and there will be bad times. As a couples therapist, I see this play out over and over again. Sometimes couples come to session in the midst of an argument. As we dive into their inner experience, they can be caught in a sense of hopelessness and despair. They may share thoughts about leaving the relationship. The next week, that same couple can show up holding hands and update me with a brief recount of great sex and tender moments. They don't want to leave the relationship and all is well again.
By: Cristina Trette  With the exception of daily outdoor exercise I have been at home 24/7. Surprisingly, it has gone fairly well. Last week I took some time off of work to focus on my kids. This week I resumed online counseling sessions with clients. I have my moments of complete exhaustion yet we are finding our new rhythm.
By: Cristina Trette  Along with most mothers in America, I have been through a lot this last week. I have gathered information from from accurate sources, stocked up at the grocery store, stayed tuned into the CDC guidelines, adjusted my work life, took the plunge into homeschooling, and am finding creative ways to keep my home running smoothly.
By: Cristina Trette  My first child was an adorable and firey baby. One moment she would be happy and smiling. The next moment she would start crying because a loud truck drove by or we entered into a crowded area. Mostly, I felt competent and attuned to her. But when she entered into the preschool and kindergarten years, her meltdowns became harder for me to navigate. Maybe this is because I decided to have two more children! Or maybe it is because I did not know how to handle her tantrums well.
By Cristina Trette  People often want to know, what is the one thing I can do to turn my marriage around? There are many way couples can create positive change within their relationship. Yet, if I had to share just one thing to STOP doing, it would be this: stop blaming your partner for your troubles.
By: Cristina Trette  The story of a woman losing herself in mothering is so common. Perhaps the reason why it appears to be so hard for so many, is that we have not formalized this right of passage for women, and honored this transition for what it is.
By: Cristina Trette  All couples have their rough moments. Fights, missteps, and miscommunications will happen. It is unrealistic for our relationships to be blissful 100 percent of the time. Yet, some relationships dip into the negative too often. This can leave both partners with ongoing stress which is not healthy or satisfying. By: Cristina Trette  People talk about searching for their soulmate and twin flame. Or finding that one special person they are meant to be with, who is ultra compatible, and ultimately, “the one”. On an spiritual level, I see why it may be important for two particular people to come together. I like to believe that my partner and I have come together for a reason far greater than ourselves. My partner and I like to talk about our soul mate essence. By: Cristina Trette  Marriage and Family Therapists are trained to bolster a client's sense of agency. We immerse in the art and science of holding space and asking important questions with the purpose of helping our clients improve their lives and relationships. We tend to carry deep acceptance no matter what it is that is being shared and steer clear of advice giving.  By: Cristina Trette When couples first meet, generally they have as much sex as they can. From an evolutionary perspective, humans are wired to find a partner, mate, and raise offspring. High interest at the start of a relationship creates a positive feedback loop in which sex releases good feeling brain chemicals. This promotes bonding and a desire to have even more sex. All of this serves to keep our species alive.  By: Cristina Trette
I was 20 years old when I attended yoga teacher training. I stepped into training with eagerness and joy. I had replaced my dream of being a professional surfer with a new dream of facilitating wellness and healing.  By: Cristina Trette All couples fight from time to time. Yet, the way couples fight, and what they do after a fight, is important. When couples with strong a strong bond fight, they know how to repair their relationship afterward. They are able to reflect on their struggles and set an intention to learn and grow. They also know how to turn to each other for comfort. The relationship is a stress reducer and source of soothing and support. By: Cristina Trette  After having a baby, 67 percent of couples see their marital satisfaction plummet, according to research by John Gottman, PhD. The arrival of the first baby can throw parents into a total life change overnight. Many individuals, used to life with flexibility and autonomy, have a difficult time adjusting to the demands of a newborn, despite the fact that they love their new child. Many parents find themselves overwhelmed with the daily tasks of newborn care which includes nursing or bottle feeding round the clock, middle of the night diaper changes, and periods of holding a crying baby that can last hours.
By: Cristina Trette  So much connection can happen during sex: it feels great, happy brain chemicals are released, and healing skin to skin contact occurs. For highly attuned couples, sex becomes a potent exchange of mind, body, and spirit which creates bonding and the experience of oneness. This is good stuff I tell you!
By: Cristina Trette  If you are facing challenges in your relationship, it would be logical that you would want to work on your relationship. But what do you do if your spouse is not interested in working through the problems you are having in your marriage?
By: Cristina Trette  Dr. John Gottman, author of "What Makes Love Last" has observed thousands of couples in his infamous "Love Lab". Gottman discovered that the happiest couples consistently turn toward each other through out their time together. This is true in a physical way as well as in an emotional way.
By: Cristina Trette  What exactly does trust mean? Does it mean that you know your partner won’t cheat on you? Or that you know your partner will tell the truth? True trust creates space and freedom. If you are having a difficult time trusting your partner, keep reading.
By: Cristina Trette  What happens when one partner wants sex and his wife or long term lover is rarely in the mood? A healthy sex life is part of what makes up a thriving relationship and general feelings of well-being. When one or both partners are feeling unsatisfied in this area, this can trigger the beginning of a downward spiral that does not end up very well.
By: Cristina Trette  Last year I briefly took a small job working as a writer for an entrepreneur and speaker. During that time, I scoured articles on the virtues of failure and success. While reading, I noticed a theme that was echoed by CEO executives, entrepreneurs, professional athletes, and personal development coaches. "Fail forward" is their mantra and one they repeat with consistency.
By: Cristina Trette  At the start of a relationship, most couples show up with their best self forward. During the infatuation phase, we rarely see flaws in our partner. Happy brain chemical release has us buzzing around in a minor state of bliss for the first one to two years of being in a new relationship
By: Cristina Trette  When looking at relationships, I view struggle as part of the relational process that can lead to immense growth. Staying together, and working through the hard times when you really want to leave, is part of what can make a beautiful and lasting love.
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Author:Cristina Trette, MA, LMFT is a Licensed Couples Therapist passionate about inspiring others to cultivate relationships and families that thrive. Follow Cristina at:
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Cristina Trette, MA, LMFT 117148 is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with the Board of Behavioral Sciences in the State of California. Content on this website is for information and educational purposes only and is not to be considered Marriage and Family Therapy.