By: Cristina Trette
Recently I was chatting with some friends about various aspects of life. These are brilliant and loving women who are doing incredible things with their lives. Yet as we talked, what emerged was a strikingly simple theme: something was missing. We talked about how we wanted thriving careers, joyful families, passionate love lives, and great health. Simply put, we want it all. Yet, not a single one of us felt we had it all.
If our professional lives are booming we yearn for more time with family or to simply go to the gym. If most days consist of supporting our spouse and kids then we fantasize about building our own business from the ground up. If we don't have a family, we want it, or we feel guilty for not wanting one. No matter what the situation and circumstance, we want it all, and we want all of it right now.
Could the quest to have it all actually impede our happiness? Is it possible that we can have it all, yet we cannot have it all at the same time?
As I hold more wisdom and life experience, I see that we take on numerous roles and identities throughout our life. Whatever we are doing contains immense value and meaning, as long as we actually believe that. Sometimes we go all in to one thing only to not have time for the rest of what matters. Then we adjust and fine tune. Other times, what we have poured our hearts and souls into for years no longer serves us and we are better gracefully letting go, feeling the loss, and stepping forward with something totally new, whether this relates to our career or family.
Such as with Klyn Elsbury. Klyn is a motivational speaker and best selling author of the books I am: "The Untold Story of Success" and "Unstuck Yourself". Klyn loves the role of "wifey" as much as she loves her work. Her life hums along well and this is true even as she fights Cystic Fibrosis on the daily.
Klyn talks about her career achievements with immense grace and humility. There is an ease about her and acceptance that we all have changing identities that we live from throughout our lives. Today her matrix is that of motivational speaker. In a few years it may be something else. All of it is within her. And all of it is good.
There will be times we slow down, take care of our health and wellbeing, nurture our families, and bask in simplicity. Other times we will be out slaying dragons, breaking ceilings, and confronting challenge and struggle with boldness. We will also have times that we tap into our eroticism and stroke a part of self that we set may set to the side aside when working or parenting. Inside all of us lives the warrior, the caregiver, and the vixen.
Whether we are building businesses, caring for ailing parents, supporting spouses with their business, or quitting careers to take care of our children, we can have it all, as long as we are putting all of our self into it.
Instead of trying to do all of it and have all of it at the exact same time, maybe we just need to jump right into where we are with passion and gusto. At the same time we can hold faith and forward movement toward dreams and desires - all of them - just not all at once.
Hello! I am Cristina Trette. I am a Couples Therapist, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Certified in Perinatal Mental Health. I write on all things related to relationships, parenthood, and connection.